DIY: Danger Dogs

LAPD is cracking down on those infamous Danger Dog carts roaming around Los Angeles. Personally, those little ladies exploiting the drunken and drugged youth with their bacon-wrapped hot dogs are just as important a landmark as the Hollywood sign. Having crispy, slightly burnt bacon enveloping a juicy grade B hot dog readily available to all who emerge from the innards of L.A. nightlife to the grungy, crackhead infested streets is one of the few privileges I have found down here. And yes, I do find a 3500-calorie snack a great privilege that I do not wish to be stripped of by law enforcement.

Don't those esteemed men-in-blue have more to worry about than ridding Los Angeles of these deliciously evil meat-wrapped-in-other-meat things of edible holiness?

If I were a less passive person that did not silently type my grievances into my blog that surely no one reads, the San Francisco in me might have made the trek to downtown Hollywood, gathered those little ladies and their makeshift carts, and started the first ever Danger Dog Union. But alas, I work a day job in a cubicle.

How to make your own makeshift Danger Dog street cart:
1. Gather the following objects. Under no circumstances may you purchase any of them:
a shopping cart
a baking sheet or any other flat metal object
something that can sustain a moderately-controlled flame for several hours
a durable stick to rotate danger dogs
untwisted metal hangers or wire

2. You may purchase the following, although I'm sure you have a hook-up through a friend of a friend that could get you them for free:
hotdogs, the cheapest possible
bacon, sliced of course
hot dog buns
optional: for the more advanced street cart, onions and condiments

3. Place the controlled flame in the basket of the shopping cart.

4. Lay the baking sheet on top of the shopping cart, over the flame.

5. Using the metal hanger or wire, securely attach the baking sheet to the cart. Remember, stability is of crucial importance as this cart must be as mobile as possible.

6. Wrap hot dogs in bacon and place on baking sheet. Rotate danger dogs as necessary to maintain a consistent browning of bacon and dog.

7. Find yourself the L.A. venue of choice, preferably at the intersection of several venues' exit doors.

8. Congratulations! You have officially started to aid the growing obesity problem in the United States.